Should you adopt a male cat or a female cat?

Do you secretly have a preference for male cats or for female cats? Do you overlook cats at the shelter who are the “wrong” gender?

I’ll admit that I once privately preferred male cats, based on my early experience as the guardian of two hunky, chunky, loving boys, Dorian and Reuben. Now I know better.

It might surprise you to know that science says that much of what we care about in cat personality comes down to nature (the influence of genetics), nurture (the sum total of a cat’s life experiences), and neutering, not whether the cat is a boy or a girl.

But, let’s discuss it all.

Every cat is an individual, and so are you!

Cats tend to defy categorization in general. I like to say, “cats are their own people.”

You may think, “I’ll get a male cat because they’re more affectionate.”

Or, “l’ll get a ginger cat because they’re playful and goofy.”

Or, “I’ll get a Siamese cat because they’re so smart.”

But, cats haven’t read the manual. They are who they are.

And you are who you are, too. There is no one “best” cat personality. Some people might want a cat who is all up their biz all day long. Other people might prefer a more independent household companion.

Some people want a cat they can put on a leash and take on long hikes. Other people want a cat who will curl up in their lap while they watch TV.

So, be wary about making generalizations about male cats and female cats, because a cat is just going to be who a cat is going to be. And the “best” gender (or color, or breed) might not be not be the best match for you and your lifestyle.

So, is there a difference between male and female cat personalities?

If you’re reading a blog post on this topic, other than this one, you’re going to read a lot of myths about cat gender differences. Common misconceptions about cat gender include these unproven, unscientific “conclusions:”

• Male cats are more affectionate and bond better with their guardians. 
• Female cats are more aloof and independent, preferring the company of other cats to humans.

Meanwhile, a personality survey of 346 cats, published in the prestigious journal, Applied Animal Behavior Science, concluded that cat gender had no impact on the 34 personality traits that the researchers studied.[1]

Reddit posters also commented on this very topic, and some found that their cats conformed to gender roles, while others found that their cats defied them. Here’s a sampling of what they had to say about cat gender:

My male cat will constantly ask for attention by meowing and pushing things off the desk, while my female cat will just sit on my lap or lay next to me quietly.

 – Pizzanub

I love my female kitty. She’s very loving, loves snuggles, will sit on my lap if there’s a blanket. [She] sleeps with me and follows me everywhere.

Where the difference is that I notice at least is that she’s less clingy than other male cats I’ve noticed. She’s snuggly, but not in your face.

–euphorichooper

Both of mine are very affectionate. The female is just naughtier, by a lot. 😄

–Indpendent_Ad9670

We have one female and one male. And yes, they are exactly like that. The boy is the cuddliest most gentle creature you could hope for. He‘s just a goofy teddy bear. The girl is full of energy, loves fast play and will always lay just out of arm‘s reach. 

–Dizzynic

my female is cuddly and clingy with me (chosen female human) and moody with everyone else. She will lay with or near others, but is choosy and won't always want to be touched by them. She's vocal and talks to me alot. Does not like to be picked up. This has been true of every female I've had. My male (as well as my male cat as a child) is very cuddly, likes to be held, very mischievous. Always down for a good time.

–starrchild12.

I have a feral girl that we raised to love snuggles, scritches, and even getting combed. She likes her alone time quite a bit though. I have another girl that is the sweetest thing alive. She gives her dog brother SO many head-rubs and snuggs. She sleeps with my wife and me every night. Then we have another girl that acts like a fiesty princess. She begs for attention, but she has to be scratched /just/ right, or she'll bite you. She likes to hang out near the dog, and loves to play with her younger brother, but doesn't like our feral-ish kitty. She also begs to snuggle, but again, it has to be /just/ right. 

–Designer_Leg5928[2]

What we know to be (mostly) true about gender differences in cats

We can make some generalizations about the differences between male and female cats that are mostly true. These “mostly true” differences are physical.

Cats are sexually dimorphic

Sexual dimorphism describes animal species in which the sexes have different physical characteristics or exhibit different behaviors.

Lions, for example, are sexually dimorphic. Male lions have voluminous manes. Lionesses do not.

Human beings are sexually dimorphic, too. Men, on average, tend to be bigger than women, have more lean muscle mass, denser bones, and facial hair. Women have more body fat, wider hips, and a higher voice pitch than men.

Cats are also sexually dimorphic.

How male cats and female cats differ physically

Male cats tend to be bigger boned and heavier than female cats. Testosterone in males increases muscle mass and causes bone growth. Consequently, the average male cat weighs between 10 and 15 pounds, while the average female cat weighs between eight and 12 pounds.[3]

There’s a reason why male cats evolved to be bigger than female cats. In the wild, male cats need to be larger to win fights against other male cats to attract mates and pass on their genes to the next generation.

In certain breeds, the size difference between male and female cats is very pronounced. In Maine Coons, Norwegian Forest Cats, and Ragdoll cats, for example, the boys tend to be MUCH bigger than the girls.

In other breeds, the difference between the males and females is less noticeable. In the Toybob, Siamese, Balinese, and Japanese Bobtail breeds, the boys and girls tend to be about the same size and have similar builds.

But, these gender differences aren’t absolutely true

Differences in cat size between the genders is only mostly true, but not absolutely true.

A female Siberian cat, for example, is almost always going to be bigger than a male Singapura cat, even though I just finished saying that male cats tend to be bigger than female cats.

This is, of course, true in humans, too. While men tend to be taller than women, there are women who are taller than certain men, and men who are shorter than certain women.

The differences between male and female cats that I’m not going to discuss

If we’re talking about gender differences in cats, there are very noticeable personality differences between male cats and female cats who have not been spayed and neutered, compared to male and female cats who have been “fixed.”

Most of these personality traits are very unpleasant for cat guardians. Tom cats are forever trying to escape, and then they roam, fight, and spray urine. Females, on the other hand, go into heat every three weeks during breeding season and yowl and pee all over.

I could elaborate on the differences in behavior between intact male and female cats but I’m not going to do that in this post. My focus is on differences between male and female cats who are neutered.

This is because my hope is that everyone reading this blog understands their personal responsibility for spaying and neutering their cats. Doing so literally saves pain and suffering and even the very life of your cat.

Read this post on spaying and neutering your cat if you’re not convinced.

Things that make the most difference in a cat’s personality

The list of the most influential factors in shaping a cat’s personality and behavior does not include gender.

Here’s what science has to say about what makes a cat more or less friendly, shy, aggressive, bold, fearful, sociable, active, or neurotic:

Genetics

A research study involving more than 5700 cats in Finland concluded that many cat behaviors can be traced to genetics.

This large study evaluated 10 cat behavior traits and detected significant differences that seemed be drawn right down breed lines.

For example, the study found that British Shorthairs had the lowest tendency to seek out human contact, while Korat and Devon Rex cats were the most likely to seek attention from people. Turkish Van and Angora cats were the most aggressive towards people and other cats, while Persians and Abyssinians were the least shy.

Interestingly, non-purebred cats in this study were, compared to their purebred cousins, moderately active, more aggressive toward people and other cats, and shy about meeting strangers or finding “novel objects.”[4]

Early socialization in kittenhood

There are numerous scientific studies that show that kittens who are handled by humans during the first two to nine weeks of life were more comfortable with humans and less fearful overall as adult cats.

One study showed that kittens who were handled for 15 minutes per day, from birth to 12 to 14 weeks spent more time exploring a new person and offering head butts.

Another showed that kittens who were handled for the first 45 days of life, were more eager to investigate unfamiliar objects than kittens who hadn’t been handled.

Early socialization to humans helps create cats who are just more flexible and less fearful overall.[5]

Life experiences

Life experiences can shape a cat’s personality and behavior, for better or worse.

Stress in particular can cause a wide range of negative behavioral changes in cats, causing them to hide more, play less, be less curious, and show less affection. Stress can be caused changes in a cat’s environment, such as relinquishment to a shelter, the loss or addition of a family member, conflict with another cat in the household, or a change in routine.[6]

Single traumatic events can also have long-term behavioral consequences, too, including an accident or illness, a painful experience at the vet’s office, or even just being severely frightened or startled.

Conversely, numerous scientific studies show that a calm, predictable household, with predictable routines around feeding and play, can help create a calmer, more confident, and more affectionate baseline personality in their cat.

A final word on choosing a cat

A satisfying connection with a cat goes beyond all the superficial things, the things we think we want in cat when we first go looking for one, like breed, color, fur length, or gender.

Bonding with an animal triggers complex emotions, and the attachment we feel can rival the attachment we feel to others of our own kind. Loving a cat can fulfill many of the same emotional needs as our relationships with other humans.

When we open our home to a cat, we give them food, shelter, and affection. In turn, cats give us immeasurable companionship and support.

That kind of connection doesn’t necessarily come in a specific package. When looking to adopt a cat, try to put aside your preconceived notions about the things that don’t really matter, including gender.

Open your mind and your heart to all of the possibilities.

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Dawn LaFontaine

Dawn LaFontaine is a lifelong animal lover who always seems to have a little pet hair in her keyboard. Her blog, Kitty Contemplations, helps cat guardians better understand and care for the special beings they share their lives and homes with, and is a Top 10 cat blog on Feedspot. Her cat-products business, Cat in the Box, sells beautiful, well-made, and award-winning products that she designed to meet the biological needs of cats.